Verruca and The Wildlings — Ep4: Sh!t On It

Etsy @MerrycatShop

As the lockdown period in Kunashmu carried on I met other strange characters through Pixel, who was now deep into one of her new projects — this time knitting clothes for feral cats that were begrudged to go about their Daily Cat Business in human costumes. There used to be five random cats hanging around. When she started dressing up two of them they all disappeared.

A girl came by at noon cradling one of the dressed-up cats like a baby.

“Hi there. I’m looking for a place to stay. Do you have rooms available in your house?”

“Oh hey, you found one of the cats. We haven’t seen him in a while. Yes, there’s a room. I’ll show you around. How are you today?”

“I’m alright. You know…same same.”

“What should I call you?”

“My name is Tonae.”

“Tony?”

“Tow-Nay.”

“Toenail?”

“Something like that.”

“Town-ee?”

The girl repeated her name. Pixel couldn’t get it right.

“I really want to get it right.” … “Tone-way?”

“It’s not a common name. I understand why it’s difficult to say. Ah well, Pleeweerots poopbumspop,” Tonina Toenail said with a wink. “In my country that means ‘Shit on it’ — forget about it, no big deal, drop the issue, all good, let’s move on, the end.”

“That’s kewl,” Pix beamed. She tried to replay the phrase in her head but she was now ashamed to go through the whole getting-the-words-right situation.

The clothed cat released itself from Toenail’s loving grip with the swipe of a claw, and sprinted far away from us. It perched itself on the balcony and death-stared at Pix and then at Toe. I may be an inglorious wart but I sure as heck knew what that cat was telling them: You’re a bunch of mad cunts.

Toe was stupefied and heartbroken at the cat’s actions. She stared at her bleeding arm. Pixel, on the other hand, was oblivious to the cat’s contempt.

Cats were sent from the underworld to remind us that we are a failed species, her housemate Cora used to say. Pixel considered this to be a credible theory for one day but she believed in the goodness of humanity all too much to accept that they are, indeed, a disgrace to all that is sacred. For what else do we viruses exist?

Toe started sobbing.

“I thought he loved me,” she sighed. “He always came to me for food. He came to me on cold nights. I shared with him my bed. I shared with him my secrets. Why did he hurt me? Do you think he will come back? What if he never comes back?”

“Bee bee bots poopskinpop,” Pixel replied, attempting to console her. “Shit on it.”

Next Episode : We Never Die

Last Episode : Mother Marijuana’s Teet

First Episode : A Pandemic Special

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