Verruca and The Wildlings — Ep2: The Lower Chakras
Pixel finds her lower chakras blocked. Unblocksmiths offer her a woke solution. What does it all mean?
The mountainous country of Kunashmu closed its borders and no one was allowed to enter or to leave. Such was the fear of catching the virus that countries sealed themselves shut.
“It’s about to get intimate here,” Cora blurted one evening as she and Pixel sat on the balcony of their rented house, contemplating what the next months might look like. They had met only recently and have been cohabiting for a week when the first lockdown was announced.
“All the faces we see here in Rembibi will be the same faces we will be seeing until the world opens up again. This feels like a plot in a reality tv show and we are the cast and this is the pilot episode.”
And so it was. The hours ticked and the days tocked. Pix and Cora filled their days with various past times.
Pixel started getting into a cult fitness routine that involved bends and twists and turning the limbs into pretzels. I may as well get in shape, she thought. She did her daily pretzeling just before sunset, on a grassy clearing behind the house. One time, just after finishing her practice, an older man emerged from the bushes.
“I do pretzels too. Long time. It keeps my chakras aligned.”
Pixel was fascinated. They chatted for a bit.
“You see, my dear, chakras are the energy centres of our body. Our powers and potential are stored in these areas and that is why we need to put our conscious intentions in them,” the old pretzeler explained. “I can see that your third eye is open. You can sense things really well. But you are struggling to put your ideas into practice, correct?”
“Yes, this is true. I’m getting very easily distracted lately. I should stop smoking joints during the day.”
“No, this not the reason,” the old man snapped. “The reason your creativity is not flowing is because your lower chakras are blocked…”
Pixel didn’t know what to make of this revelation. Something inside her wasn’t working. Now she’s in deep thought. She shared her sundowner experience with Cora over a dinner of boiled white pasta and neon-red ketchup.
“What do you reckon they put in that fluorescent tomato gloop,” Cora queried.
“Food colouring and the blood of Beelzebub. There’s no taste of tomato in it whatsoever. That’s why I like it.”
“Do you want to add some of my cheese to jazz up your sad dish?”
“I like sad dishes. I’m one of those lazy undernourished vegans.”
“Right.”
“So why do you think men around here keep telling me that my lower chakras are blocked? How can they sense that?” Pixel scratched her forehead and gave me — her proud wart — a tickle.
“Your lower whatevers are fine, Pix.”
“Convince me.”
“You ever heard of that Catholic joke? A priest tells a nun that She is the gate to heaven and His Penis is the key. This chakra speech is the same, just with a Hindu twist.”
“I see your point…but what if they are right?”
“Were you attracted to any of these enlightened chakra explorers?”
“No.”
“Then of course your bing-bongs will be blocked. I’d shut the doors and windows too if there were creepy dudes trying to slither their way into my house.”
Pixel slurped a forkful of messy spaghetti. A fat dropping of Beelzebub’s blood dived out of her bowl. The girls watched it fall on the kitchen floor as it made a predictable sound: Splat.
Next Episode : Mother Marijuana’s Teet
Last Episode : A Pandemic Special
